The more I think about my life, I see that I was an ignorant pawn, figurative speaking, trying to please God. Yet my heart was on the other side of road while he asked for it from the other side. Little did I did not trust God and followed everything that came out behind the pulpit because so many people called them a man of God. The one habit that I didn’t do during those time was read the bible for myself. I’m not talking about passages or certain scriptures that are popular but the whole bible. I started reading it for myself and the more I read I understand that I’m nowhere near God and that so many others are misguided to believe they are the prime example of what God wants. Since I open my mind to God, I’ve also opened my heart and begun to fully trust him.
This is not easy because its hard to trust someone with your heart, let alone your life. I’m being completely honest saying that I’m a little worried but in time if I keep my faith in him and allow him to do what he wants in my life. My faith will grow over time and it will please him. However I have to change and that isn’t easy.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
I can recall somethings I prayed for and was pissed because God didn’t answer my prayer but now I see that he didn’t want me to have it. Therefore I have to keep trusting him. If you really analyze the situation, I was a little child mad because I didn’t get my way so I turned the other way. The more I think about it the more I think about how God must have felt when I did it. This is my fault that I didn’t know what I was doing. Many prayers I wanted God to do things my way but instead he did it his way. Imagine the relationship between a parent and a child when the child is like forget you I’m going to do it my way. It’s disheartening and God constantly feels like this or after a time he’s like some of the parents; when the parents act like they don’t care anymore. Sad but true.
So I choose to work on my faith.